counting fingers

When your baby is born, the first thing most parents do is count the fingers and toes, thus visibly ensuring that their baby is “o.k.” This visual once over seems to work to ease the mind of worried parents. Then, when the baby follows the milestone, rolling over, sitting up, crawling, walking and babbling, the parents breathe an audible sigh of relief, thinking to themselves that their child is perfect.

However, what the parents don’t realize is that sometimes signs imperfection do not show up for many years. Most people who are schizophrenic are often not diagnosed until their late teens or early twenties. The perfect child one thought they had, suddenly is assaulted by voices, sending that child over the brink into madness.

Darling Daughter, your depression has crept upon you like a tiger in the night stealths upon its prey. One day we had a daughter who was well-liked, happy, and secure. Suddenly, that daughter was gone, replaced by a stranger, one who took to cutting in order to feel something, anything, in order to just feel, even if that feeling was one of hurt.

Like the schizophrenic, you to hear voices. The voice inside your head telling you that life is just too hard and we would all be better off without you. That voice scares me and I hope that it doesn’t finally win. It winning would mean losing you forever.

I look at you and your beautiful. You still are perfect to me.

love, mom


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