Persephone was the daughter of Demeter, a Greek goddess.  Demeter is said to be the goddess of harvest and fertility.  Persephone was said to be so beautiful that she caught the eye of Hades, god of the Underworld.  When Persephone was taken away by Hades, Demeter struck a deal.  For six months out of the year, Persephone was allowed to be with her mother.  During this time, Earth flourished.  The other six months, Demeter would live with Hades in the Underworld, sending Demeter into a deep depression.  During those six months, Earth became bleak.

Persephone is fictitious name that I am using on this blog.  My daughter has been diagnosed as being BiPolar II.  This diagnosis is one that if left untreated can bring about a spiraling of out of control behavior.  Like Demeter, I feel that I have lost my daughter.  There are periods of time where I feel like I know her and can enjoy her for the person she used to be.  When she is in the depths of her illness, I feel she has left me and there is nothing I can do for her.

I remain hopeful that our relationship can be salvaged.  I also hope that one day she can understand that her illness is something that can be treated so that she doesn’t have to push us away, closing us out of her world.

I love my daughter fiercely.  I will never give up on the hope that we can one day have a good, loving relationship.

Update 12/9/12

My daughter has recently turned 24. After being off of her medication for the past few years, growing up, & living life a little bit, she has realized that being on meds is better than the alternative. She is back home & we are encouraging her to continue to take the steps she needs to in order to become independent.

For those who don’t know me, my husband & I have to other children, two boys ages 16 and 20, respectively. While this blog will be updated on a more regular basis as I transition from using this as my main blog, I hope to also be a source for those who has a family member struggling with the mental illness of being bi-polar.

My daughter didn’t ask for this mental illness. If she could, I know without a doubt, she would gladly trade with someone who thinks she’s just lazy and/or irresponsible.

The good news is that the daughter I thought was lost to me a few years ago, we now have a strong relationship. When she has been asked by her psychiatrist if she has a good support system in place, she can answer with a strong affirmative.

For myself as parent, it had made me realize that while I still can have (& do) high expectations for each of my three kids, I know that every little step my daughter takes that is a positive, no matter how small, is a step in the direction of good. So I celebrate those successes. I celebrate her. I celebrate our two sons. I celebrate life.

Living in grayscale is not an option.